Advertisement

 

 

Doctor Curmudgeon®: After the Noctors…After the Pharmacists.

Doctor Curmudgeon®:  After the Noctors…After the Pharmacists.
Author Information (click to view)

Doctor Curmudgeon®

Doctor Curmudgeon® is a physician-satirist.  This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors – the virtual doctors’ lounge and the home of medical crowdsourcing  

SERMO, “home of medical crowdsourcing”

+


Doctor Curmudgeon® (click to view)

Doctor Curmudgeon®

Doctor Curmudgeon® is a physician-satirist.  This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors – the virtual doctors’ lounge and the home of medical crowdsourcing  

SERMO, “home of medical crowdsourcing”

Advertisement
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on LinkedIn

It is the year 2022.

Noctors (those who are NOT Doctors and yet consider themselves to be the same as doctors and practice what they refer to as Medicine) have been decimated by malpractice suits, civil suits and have slunk away in tears.

Pharmacists have been derided over their lack of education, knowledge, and experience.

And now the stage is set for: THE RISE OF THE ROBOT

On every street corner, lurks a cubicle, like the old fashioned phone booths.

A man enters the cubicle. His fingerprint scan, his retinal scan and the ID chip in his genitals are scanned.

The robot flashes a screen where his symptoms are listed and severity noted. He is allowed to input any problems that are not in the dropdown box.  But he is limited to 140 characters.

Whirring is heard and the robot decides what to do.  The consumer (he is no longer referred to as a patient) is told to place his hand in the little drawer that slides out and a tattoo, which is good for six hours, appears.  He is then directed to the Medication Robot two blocks away.

He goes through the same identification procedure and voila! An antibiotic pops out.

Should the consumer not appear before the Medication Robot within six hours, his tattoo disappears.  He is then denied access to the Diagnostic robot for the next two weeks. This is his penalty for not following instructions to the letter.

Two more infractions of not following the Diagnostic Robot’s advice and the door to his own house will deny him admission until he appears before the Court of Final Appeal.

If he loses the appeal, his lifelong access to the Diagnostic Robot will be forever blocked.

Call your physician? Pshaw

Doctor Curmudgeon® (Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAFP) is a physician-satirist.  This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors – the virtual doctors’ lounge and the home of medical crowdsourcing.

 

Check Out:eisman book

Bitter Medicine: A Doctor’s Year in Viet Nam
by Eugene H. Eisman

These are true stories gleaned from the author’s experience as a physician in Vietnam. It is a mixture of humor and pathos.

 

 

Dr. Eugene H. Eisman, earned his MD at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine. He served two years in the army. Six months was served in Pleiku, and six months in Cam Rahn. He now lives in Miami Florida.

 

2 Comments

  1. Fantastic article! I often suspect that a situation like this is the unfortunate future of health care, and that the only available human doctors will be veteranarians. “Open your mouth and say, ‘woof'”!

    Reply
    • Good point, Husky, Veterinary physicians are quite skilled

      Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

eight + thirteen =

[ HIDE/SHOW ]